100 FANS boo ya THANK YOU LETS KEEP IT GOING
Location not disclosed
Joined on 1/10/18
Posted by markymayhem90 - January 4th, 2019
I'm in such a weird state of existence right now.
I have spent so long working to be better at art better at that side of my life.
the social side has taken a massive dive,
I now feel scared to talk to people I have known for years,
I worry about asking people to hang out,
going for a drink or food or a movie to do something stupid
all the things I used to love doing but now I am on a pause
because just the fear of rejection is repeated over and over.
I used to embrace the unknown now I cower from it wishing to have it again.... but again its Friday night
I'm not talking to anyone.......
and I don't know how to fix this
witch, when I look at it, is weird because in my self in the best version of me that ever has been ..... so I'm stumped on what to do now. what steps to take forward.
Posted by markymayhem90 - August 8th, 2018
Hello i tought i would tell you a little bit more about me and why i draw.
I broadcast my artwork live on Twitch.tv’s creative channel. I have been streaming for over a year, but I have been an artist for most of my life.
My life story is long, complicated, and has had a run of bad luck recently. A very nasty breakup ruined my finances, and lead to a mental breakdown. Because of this, I had to move in with my parents in order to survive. A month into my new living arrangement, my dad was diagnosed with Oesophageal (Gullet) cancer. This rapidly spread to the rest of his body, causing additional health issues. Unfortunately, caring for him became a full time job that my mother couldn’t handle by herself. I had to quit my job to help both of them.
In this free time, I started drawing again to help ease the stress. As I drew more, I gained the confidence to stream my artwork on Twitch. The artwork and the interaction on Twitch went a long way to help my depression. Finally, some relief was in sight.
Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse. After a year of his diagnosis, my father passed away. At the funeral, I was so overwhelmed with emotions that it cause a second mental breakdown. This one was worse than the first, and lead to severe side effects. These include loosing time (anywhere between 1 to 10 hours at a time ), longer periods of depression, extreme anxiety, dissociation, and schizophrenia symptoms.
My physician has put me on permanent leave from work because of these issues. I cannot have a normal job, but I still need to make money in order to live and care for my mother. Drawing is my passion, and I want it to be my job, so I can feel normal again. Every little bit helps, and I appreciate any help that comes my way.